Birthday Presents
by Atana
Summary: Severus Snape is celebrating his friend Martis' birthday, and pranking the Marauders is just what she wanted. A Snips and Spirals story!


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A Snips and Spirals Fanfic:  
"Birthday Presents"  
Text by Lady Tesser  
Illustrations by Atana (see her bio page for URL)  
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DISCLAIMERS: Martis is the intellectual property of Tess and Atana. Nearly everyone else belongs to J. Rowling. Snips and Spirals are NOT dating. Get that dirty thought out of your heads right now! "Seven Seas of Rhye" written and performed by Queen. (LONG LIVE QUEEN!)  
  
Britomartis Vox had always wondered why her acceptance to Hogwarts arrived a month late. She remembered distinctly waiting for it the summer she was ten, then only finding out in early November after she had turned eleven that she had been accepted. It was too late to start that year, anyway, so her parents took care of her tuition for the next year with automatic clockwork like they had with her previous twelve siblings.  
  
It was her older siblings still attending Hogwarts that took Martis with them to London to shop for their supplies in Diagon Alley. It was the first brush with a large group of 'modern magical people' she had, and she became curious about that world.  
  
But still, it was rather annoying to be the oldest First-Year in Slytherin House when she was rudely awakened Thursday morning (after a midnight astronomy class) with her four roommates singing 'Happy Birthday' over her bed.  
  
Martis cursed in ancient Minoan, trying to locate her sunglasses. Slipping them on, the tinted lenses revealed kinky brown-haired Oriana Crescent, spiral-curled blonde Peony Danderfluff, pageboy black-haired Akiko Mori, and redhead twin-braided Bridget O'Shanahan, all of them holding handfuls of all seven flavors of Cornish Pixie Stix.  
  
"October Fifth!" Peony cried. "It's Spirals' birthday today!"  
  
"I think I know when my birthday is," Martis yawned. She accepted a Pixie Stik from Akiko and added, "Thanks, guys."  
  
"No problem," Bridget answered as she settled on her own bed near her. "It gave us an excuse to visit the sweet shop."  
  
"Any plans for today?" Oriana asked.  
  
"Not that I know of. How's the weather outside?"  
  
"Warm for this time of year," Akiko replied. "Might be a good time to go running around outside before the cold sets in."  
  
Martis shuddered. "Cold - evil. Cold is bad. How can any of you stand it?"  
  
"Poteen," Bridget retorted. "Speaking of, I'm going to put some on my corn flakes so I can stay awake during History of Magic class. See you at breakfast."  
  
Peony and Oriana giggled; 'poteen' was to Ireland what 'moonshine' is to America and 'Ogden's Old Firewhiskey' is to the Wizarding World. Strong and toxic.  
  
Martis tossed her blankets toward Oriana and Peony and went to get dressed in her uniform. The other girls slowly left for breakfast, leaving Oriana in the room with Martis.  
  
"So," Martis said as she put on a pair of large spiral earrings. "What do the Ladies of Slytherin have on their agenda today?"  
  
"Afternoon tea," Oriana answered without looking up. "In Narcissa Black's room."  
  
"I'll make sure to miss it." Martis poked around her footlocker then pulled out a skin-painting kit. She began drawing on her skin.  
  
"What are you doing??" Oriana cried.  
  
"Painting," Martis answered calmly as if she were witnessing an autopsy. She drew a crescent moon with the points upward between her brows in blue paint, and then drew spirals on her cheeks with a gold paint. She added more spirals to her legs that were not covered by skirt or socks, then pulled her sweater and shirt sleeves up to draw more spirals on her arms. She finally lifted both up again and drew a double-axe on her stomach. She put the paints away and admired the spirals she could see. "Ah! Now I feel normal!"  
  
* * *  
  
Severus Snape nervously picked at his breakfast of kippers and eggs, not really in the mood to eat. He always had a problem of his stomach not being awake enough in the mornings, and if he tried to eat while it was waking up, he usually ended up being sick. Of course, if he did not eat at all, his stomach would try to strangle him between morning classes. Maybe he should stick to oranges and toast...  
  
Martis slipped in next to him, patting his back. "Good morning, Snips."  
  
"Morning, Spirals," he answered, pulling a package up from his lap. "Happy twelfth birthday."  
  
Martis grinned, hugging him around his shoulders. "Snips! You shouldn't have gotten me anything!"  
  
He blushed, shoving the package wrapped in brown paper and string toward her. "I ... I wanted to. It's not much -"  
  
He looked up to see Martis' roommates leaning close to see what was going on. "SCRAM!" he snarled at them.  
  
The roommates pretended they were not listening and went back to eating.  
  
Martis unwrapped the package and turned the present over in her hands. "Oh, Snips! It's not the head of Sirius Black!"  
  
"Sorry," he apologized. "I did try, but the head floated away because it wasn't attached to his body. And like most lower organisms, his head regenerated. You'll just have to accept a velvet coin purse."  
  
She caressed the autumnal orange velvet purse decorated with brilliant gold spirals and stylized scissors. "It's beautiful. The symbols of our nicknames all over it are a nice touch." She hugged him around the neck. "THANK YOU SO MUCH, SNIPS!"  
  
"Disgusting," a cultured voice proclaimed.  
  
Both friends pulled apart and gazed at Lucius Malfoy sitting across the table from them, his upper lip curled to the side in Slytherin arrogance.  
  
"Hi, Lucy," Martis greeted him. "Perhaps you can give me a birthday present, too."  
  
"I highly doubt it. What is that mess on your face?"  
  
"Spirals and stuff." She smiled sweetly. "But, no, I think you really can give me a present."  
  
"Well, if it's for anything relating to a birthday kiss -"  
  
"EWWW!" She held up her crossed fingers at him, the symbolism lost on everyone around them. "No way! You got inbred-cooties!"  
  
"Why did you suggest it to begin with?" Sev asked plainly.  
  
"Oh, shut up," Lucius snorted. "So, what little thing may I do for you, Miss Vox?"  
  
Martis grinned madly. "I want to see you and Narcissa Black together."  
  
A confused look crossed his face. "I beg your pardon?"  
  
"Well, I never see you two together in the same room," Martis explained. "I'm beginning to think that you're keeping lipstick and a stuffed bra under your robes -"  
  
"Preposterous!" Lucius bellowed. "NARCISSA!"  
  
Lucius glared at the two as Martis leaned close to Sev and remarked, "Here she comes like a dog when her master calls."  
  
Sev chortled into his napkin as he covered his mouth with it.  
  
Narcissa approached the group. "Yes, Lucius?"  
  
"Miss Vox here believes we are the same person."  
  
Narcissa curled her lip up into a smirk identical to Malfoy's. "Indeed?"  
  
"See?" Martis said as she yanked on Sev's tie. "They look exactly alike!"  
  
Sev studied the long blonde hair, blue eyes, and porcelain pale skin both Fourth-Years shared. "True, but there's two of them. One might be an illusion."  
  
"Or a Polyjuice Potion," Martis added.  
  
"Quite advanced to be able to change the gender of the person you're changing into," Sev stated.  
  
"That's why I think one of them's in drag."  
  
"WILL YOU TWO CUT THAT OUT?!" both Lucius and Narcissa shouted, the yell causing Sev and Martis' hair to blow back from their wickedly grinning faces. Narcissa turned on her heel and stalked off and Lucius got up to stare into their faces.  
  
"You're both nothing but a disgrace to Slytherin and the name of Pureblood."  
  
"At least we aren't going to marry our twin sisters," Sev blurted.  
  
"Snips!" Martis cried in approval.  
  
"It doesn't take a lot to make the connection," he said. "Just look at them!"  
  
"I should tear out your tongue for that!" Lucius growled.  
  
"EWWW!" Martis squealed loudly enough to make everyone notice. "Lucy just said he wanted to do stuff to Sev's tongue!"  
  
Lucius turned a brilliant shade of crimson while Sev cried out, "Eek! Help! Save me, Spirals!"  
  
Professor Penderdandis, their House Master, clapped his hands once and glared at them, causing the group to quiet down and Lucius Malfoy to leave before he committed homicide on his housemates.  
  
Sev raised his wand and flicked it toward the back of Lucius' head. Lucius' bright blonde hair suddenly turned rainbow plaid, causing the students in Ravenclaw to point and giggle politely behind his back.  
  
Martis grinned and kissed his cheek. "That's an even better birthday present."  
  
Sev smiled, putting his wand away. "Anything to make Spirals happy on her day."  
  
* * *  
  
After classes, Martis and Sev met in the Quad and - linking their arms together - broke into a rousing chorus of a song done completely off-key:  
  
"Fear me you lords and lady preachers I descend upon your Earth from the skies I command your very souls you unbelievers Bring before me what is mine The seven seas of Rhye!"  
  
Their book bags draped over their shoulders, Medusa wrapped around Martis' arm, they grasped each other's hands and ran out of Hogwarts and down to the lake.  
  
"Can you hear me you peers and privy counselors? I stand before you naked to the eyes I will destroy any man who dares abuse my trust I swear that you'll be mine The seven seas of Rhye!"  
  
Martis stopped short, lifting her sunglasses up slightly to make sure she saw what she thought she saw. "Hold on a minute, Snips. Quiet down."  
  
"What is it, Spirals?"  
  
"I think I see something." She dropped to the grasses and crawled carefully across the expanse of field to the clump of trees and bushes near the lake. Sev followed her example and popped up next to her behind a bush. She pointed to one of the trees, Medusa slipped off her arm and into the grass.  
  
"Look, Snips," she whispered. "Marauder droppings!"  
  
Hanging from the tree were four robes, various pairs of trousers, shirts, ties, and sweaters. Shoes and book bags littered the ground, interspaced with candy wrappers and wands.  
  
Sev raised an eyebrow, listening carefully. "I do believe, Spirals, that the Marauders are swimming in the lake." He glanced at her and noted the huge grin on her face. "What do you have in mind?"  
  
Martis tiptoed toward the clothes, peering around a robe to see the Marauders horse-playing in the lake in their shorts and damned little else. She turned, her knee-length blonde hair whipping around, and she placed her finger against her lips as she waved for him to join her.  
  
Sev crept up and spied around a robe. "Heh! They look stupid!"  
  
Martis giggled, picking up Medusa and draping the snake around her shoulders. "Not as stupid as they're going to look when we get done." She quickly stripped the tree of clothing, leaving only their shoes and book bags, and Sev helped her carry the clothes back to the school across the field, breathless and trying not to giggle.  
  
"Didn't catch us!" Martis crowed as they dashed across the courtyard.  
  
"I can't believe we got away with it!" Sev breathed.  
  
"Let's leave their clothes in the middle of the Quad and watch from one of the towers."  
  
"Great idea!"  
  
Students either ignored or curiously watched the duo of Snips and Spirals deposit a wad of boys' uniforms and robes next to the fountain of the Quad.  
  
"What are you doing?" a female voice demanded.  
  
Sev turned around and felt his heart catch in his throat as he gazed upon Lily Evans. He quickly looked down again, hiding behind his hair. Lovely Lily was too pretty for words, after all.  
  
Martis grinned. "Hey, Evans. Don't mind us, we're just returning these to the school."  
  
Lily picked up one of the robes and studied the house crest. "These are Gryffindor ..." She put the robe down and crossed her arms, plastering a disapproving frown across her pretty face. "Vox, these belong to the Marauders, don't they?"  
  
Martis raised her hands in a shrug. "Hey, they weren't wearing them. Don't look at me like that, I found them hanging on a tree. Potty, Sneerius, Rat-Boy, and Loopy are the ones molesting each other in the lake."  
  
Lily's mouth almost curled up into a giggle, but she forced herself to look stern. She brushed back a strand of red hair. "What are you doing with their clothes, then?"  
  
"Returning school property." Martis rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. "Listen, Evans, this is just all in good fun. Nobody's getting hurt. Besides, I need some sort of entertainment on my birthday." She paused. "Hey, you wanna come up to a tower with Snips and me and watch them run back in terror?"  
  
Lily could not control the smile any more. "Britomartis Vox, you are rude, crude, and unrefined -"  
  
"But I know how to make a good time."  
  
"You're going to be dangerous when we're older."  
  
Martis shrugged, smirking. "Well, you can be the lady, I'll be the hellraiser." She linked her arm in Sev's. "Sure you don't want to join us? Be good for a larf."  
  
"No. I'm going to maintain plausible deniability. Good afternoon."  
  
"Bye, Evans." Martis waited for Lily to be out of earshot before saying, "She needs a sense of humor."  
  
Sev looked up after Lily's retreating form and softly added, "I think she's fine the way she is."  
  
Martis looked up at him and giggled, pulling him across the Quad and into a school building. "Oh, Snips, do you have a crush on Lovely Lily?"  
  
He snorted, turning red. "What??"  
  
She smiled, dragging him up a staircase. "I think it's neat, Snips. As my brother Kyros would say to other guys about a pretty girl 'you'd have to be dead or gay not to notice'."  
  
Sev felt his ears get hot. "Will you shut up?"  
  
"All right." She led him through a doorway and up a spiral staircase, pausing at a window overlooking the Quad. "Sorry. I guess I should have told you I come from a very Earthy culture. It amazes me how reserved everyone is here."  
  
"It's just proper," Sev replied as he leaned on his elbows out the window.  
  
"Am I a wild animal?" she suddenly asked.  
  
He turned back to look at her. "No, why?"  
  
She leaned a shoulder against the window frame, crossing her arms. Medusa quietly napped around her neck. "Everyone here acts like I'm some sort of barbarian. I paint spirals on my body and get looks of horror. I laugh and have fun and people tell me I'm a disgrace. Then I'm told that I'm dangerous. What the freak, Sev? We're still kids. Well, I am; twelve- years-old doesn't mean I have to be dead."  
  
He leaned on the sill again. "I never was a kid. Father wouldn't let me."  
  
"Your father should be fed to a starved Chimaera."  
  
He shrugged. "Anyway, I think you're just fine the way you are. I couldn't accept it if you were like Narcissa Black -"  
  
"I couldn't, either."  
  
"Or even like Lily Evans."  
  
Martis stroked Medusa's back. "We're really too young to be thinking about such stuff." A smirk appeared. "Even though you're at the mercy of your hormones, you boy, you."  
  
He stuck his tongue out at her. "You're the one from the Earthy culture; I'm the cold and austere one."  
  
She leaned close and wrapped her arms around his chest, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "And I intend to get you out of that. After we leave Hogwarts, we can go back to Crete and -"  
  
"Martis -" He gazed down into the Quad. "Hey, lookit!"  
  
Both broke into chortles as the Marauders ran into the Quad, clad in shoes, wet shorts, and book bags sandwiching their middles. James Potter was first to spot their clothes and dove into the mess to claim his robe.  
  
The others followed at once, creating a dog pile of four semi-naked boys in the middle of the Quad just as the group known as the Ladies of Slytherin walked by.  
  
Narcissa Black commented loudly enough for everyone to hear, "I'll make sure Professor McGonagall knows about your attempts at streaking."  
  
"YOU DIRTY SNAKES!" Peter Pettigrew accused.  
  
Sirius Black slammed Pettigrew's head into the ground. "Get dressed and shut up!" He looked up to glare at Martis and Sev hanging out a window and howling in laughter. He pointed up at them. "I'M GOING TO GET YOU, SNIVELLUS AND SNAKE-BITCH!"  
  
Severus gave him the Two-Finger Salute. "Get this! You know - fetch!"  
  
Martis gave the same gesture with both hands. "You say 'bitch' like it's a bad thing!"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
Martis and Sev pulled back into the stairway, laughing themselves sick.  
  
"Was it a good birthday, Spirals?" he gasped.  
  
She wiped the tears from her eyes, smearing the gold paint. "The best, Snips!"  
  
-End- 


End file.
